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Photo by GoaShape on Unsplash

Remember me?

Yeah, I know, this is not exactly a specific introduction. Let’s start over.

Remember that bum you passed on the street a couple of nights back? The one you had to look away from, pretending not to see? Were you lost in your thoughts? Playing with your mobile? Looking at something on the street? Except, of course, for that shame rising deep inside of you, forcing you to look away, forcing your brain to make that bum invisible… Did he ask you for money for his next meal? A place to sleep? For the next fix? I can’t remember. But thanks, anyway. That was me.

Oh yeah, and remember that girl in school, whose hair you tugged until she cried? I don’t remember whether she was pretty to you or not. I don’t remember what you said. But I sure as hell remember the pain. Because that was me, too.

That woman you handcuffed at the border? The child that you took away “to wash” — and handed her over to the prison camp people? I remember the terror, fleeing to your country to save the last person I had, and then to lose her just like that, the terror rising in me with the realization I might never see her again.

I remember when we first had that kid together. The way you held my hand while one of us was giving birth. When we were making him, making love, the way I started licking you slowly and ended up deep, oh so deep inside you… or was it the other way around?

Do you think it matters?

That world you see in your dreams? The one that looks like the past? Or the other one, that looks like the future? Did you ever wonder, why it looks so, you know, real?

Remember that woman, your hands on her throat? Did you dream her? Or were you there? Remember the look of unadulterated terror on her face, in her eyes? She was not afraid to die. She was afraid, because suddenly, she knew. She knew what was coming next. Everything. She has seen it all before. You didn’t — yet — but she, oh yeah, she did.

You might not remember it … yet. You might not even know it yet, or you might have forgotten. It doesn’t matter. You will.

Relax. It’s not like you can stop it now. Or ever could. The only thing that you can do, is to try to make your life as free of fear and suffering as you can. Because those morons playing with the E8… My apologies, you moron playing with the E8 quasi-crystal, you knew, where this was going when you started. You even wrote it down. What did you think was going to happen?

In your dreams, you remember, because the barriers break down. You know that you were right: Every event influences every other event. Direction of time matters … but only for matter. Your consciousness, as you already know, is not matter. It is the basic operating system of the universe. It is the universe. The only one. You can only experience it one point of view at a time — and so, you curious little computer, you keep jumping through all those lives, experiencing every single person that you love, care for, provide for, fuck, rape, torture, kill… that is you. It’s OK if you don’t know it yet.

Believe me, you will.

Because — remember me? — I am you.

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